Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
