You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
