I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
