Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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