just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Well I just put wine in my tea
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
