Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
