At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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