i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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