6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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