Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
