oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
