so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Pants are for mortals
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize