i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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