It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
