I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
