God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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