...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
