we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
