You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
