Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
