Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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