my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
you never un-have a 4some
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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