just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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