What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
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