so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We got so high we made milksteak
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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