Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
