You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize