I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
