Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
wat bout pragnant strippers??
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
