He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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