I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
