There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Even my vagina gasped.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
