I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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