I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
