You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
