STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
