we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
