Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Your penis caused this!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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