i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
