I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
