He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
