We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
