So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
