I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
