you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
