and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
