last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
