Princesses don't give blow jobs
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize