Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
