I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
