never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
