Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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