marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize