There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
