I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
