i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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