If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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