You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
