My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
