there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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