We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
