It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
