shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
This baby is an asshole
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
