dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
